Tales of Empty Nesting

Photo by Luke Brugger on Unsplash

It’s that time of year again. The kids are heading off to school. That means buying new shoes, sharpening those pencils and meeting new teachers.
I did that routine for many, many years. “Will my best friend be in my class this year?” “I don’t want to go to bed early now!” and “Mom! I need a new gym uniform” would ring through the walls of my house.

Those were stressful, busy times. There was a ton of schlepping to appointments, lessons, sports and play dates.

Welp, it’s over now. Those little birdies grew up and flew out of the nest. (A couple of them boomeranged during Covid — but they flew off again).

I’m Sad About It:

• I miss those cute little humans. They needed me for everything — I mean every stinkin thing. I literally kept them alive everyday with my bare hands.
• I loved them so hard. I brought my A-game to each day. I was fully engaged and ready to fill their days with learning, friends, experiences and happiness. Where I went, they went. We were a team.

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of cap less shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice president of the United States. — Erma Bombeck

I’m Happy About It:

• Nobody is asking me to find their missing sock. They are finding their own lost stuff now in their own apartments. They are fully capable to care for themselves. This makes all those years of raising them worth it.
• They are functioning members of society. They have opinions, they vote, they pick up litter and they use their voice to stand up for the marginalized. All things I told them to do. All things I modeled for them. This is worth the hard work alone.

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. — Ann Landers

Who Am I Now?
The days are mine now. Oh, we Face time and we have a group text full of memes and banter. We are in touch virtually every day. But, I get to do my own things.

• I get to hang out with my cute husband on the deck at nights.
• I get to have coffee with friends and money is not as tight.
• I go shopping and nobody asks me to buy them a toy.

I’m trying to figure out what my new identity is since the kids are out of the house. Should I try to be the person I was before I became a mother? Or should I be something new? It’s tempting to think that mothering was the highlight of my life and now it’s just downhill and old age. Ugh.

For me, mothering was an epic job with tons of good and bad. I’ve grown and stretched in ways that surprise me. “Look at all that happened and all that I accomplished!” I say to myself with satisfaction.

I’m grateful for the memories (and I know it’s not really over either).